The thing about having medical review is I'll get tired even from just sitting around waiting. And today was just one of those days. By the time I reached home, I was basically drained of all energy. My body says "Call it a day, you deserve it specially since you have been working so hard the past few weeks." But my soft spoken spirit says "Go out for a run. It's been a while since you have any real conversation with Him." 

Then came an unknown voice "Has He been speaking to you lately? Guess not, so why don't stay at home and not waste any time and energy. Besides there's plenty of anointed books that you hadn't read. Maybe read one of those. Perhaps then you'll hear Him again..." 

Tempted by the excuses that my body and the other voice had made, I stayed home and tried to do as suggested. However l couldn't concentrate. My mind kept wandering off, nothing in those books spoke to me. I was staring into pages of words that doesn't make sense and it made me felt worst. Negative thoughts came pressing on my very being and this time I heard voices of accusations.

"Because you gave in to your body, you weak and indecisive prick. That's how you have been and will always be. All the big ambition of being a marathon runner, you'll never be one. Because you are just a lazy, unmotivated, depressed liar that say things for show. Well done for not achieving anything today or anything ever in your life!"

It was horrible. I felt really useless. I wanted to just snuggle under my blanket and sleep it off. To shut out all the voices. Perhaps if I sleep now, it will be gone when I awake.

Then I heard my soft spoken spirit telling me "It's ok. It's not really that late yet. You can always do a quick one if you are afraid of the dark, right?" So for unknown reasons and still feeling heavy from the negative thoughts, I comply to that soft spoken voice, dragged myself up, put on my new running shoe and left the house. I took the first step followed by the first breath of air, then, all of a sudden my mind was clear.

I heard Him telling me "The world is already full with misery, so why not give it some happiness instead? Do not think that I don't love you, for I do. I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love (Romans 8:31-32). Walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7) my child. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart, for I have overcome the world (John 16:33)."


Stupidgale is a Sino-Kadazan office nerd during the day and leisure blogger by night. She enjoys writting about everything under the sun and is currently living in Singapore with her family (including teddygirl the corgi).

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