2015 Thanks Giving!

Aisehmen, holy already you? This seems to be a common question that I tend to get nowadays. And it is usually in response to when I bid the receiver God Bless. I guess it is only normal for people who used to know me to question Has she really turned holy? After all I was the alcoholic, tobacco puffer, party goer etc. etc.

It's funny how things have changed over the years. When I re-look at my past life, I felt a deep sense of strangeness. Every time I think of my past, it's like I am watching it as a movie. Though the scenes and faces are familiar, the feeling to those times are somewhat distance.

As a child, I grew up in a family that worshiped deities. Though a lot of my extended family members are Christians, I grew up anticipating Christmas only for its presents. I didn't understand the meaning of the cross or why the Christians celebrates Christmas. All I knew was that during Christmas there'll be singing and gathering; and it is all because of one man named Jesus.

Subsequently growing up without religion, I questioned the meaning of life. At first I thought it was to find financial stability; so that when I grow older I'll be least worry about my finances and is able to retire into a good life. Then as I witness my parents failed marriage which was partially caused by the desire of wanting more, I was even more convicted in getting my own financial stability. And so I went after it, not knowing that I have changed in its pursuit.

I became materialistic, self-centered and status-concious. I sold my life to work to earn more money, I ended my then long term relationship hurting so many people along the way, and, I told lies to my family because I wanted their blessings for my decisions. However, after having gone through all those drama I was still not financially stable, and that good life is no where near to be seen.

Instead I felt empty inside. It's like there's a big hole in my chest that is just so big and hard to fill. And the void keeps on growing larger and larger. I felt miserable during times when I was supposed to be happiest. I felt loneliness in the midst of a crowd. I felt insecure even with my loved ones. I was haunted by the shadow of kharma.

Although somewhere in between all the life events I had slowly came to know God, I didn't trust that He would actually accept me as His child completely because of what I did. And I was still drifting in uncertainties. What have I become? Why am I here? It wasn't until I learnt about the great love sacrifice that God had given me that I came to understand the meaning and purpose of life. And it is all thanks to the grace preaching that's going on.

Grace preaching is deep stuff. It took me a while myself to receive this revelation and when I finally did understood it, tears of the unexplainable just comes naturally.

You see, Jesus is the reason for living. The bible tells many reasons about Jesus's coming and amongst all of them, my favorite, is when Jesus say he came so that we may have life more abundantly (John 10:10).

Isn't it wonderful?

This verse really gave me the reassurance that life is about giving our best in everything we do knowing that God is with us because of Jesus.

Now, I can't say I am completely at peace (after all I am still human) but I am definitely heading towards that direction. And during this Christmas, I just want to give a huge huge Thank You for Jesus's coming so that I am able to live everyday again with hope, joy, gratitude and love. After all isn't life prettier that way?

Merry Christmas and happy new year everyone!

Stupidgale

Stupidgale is a Sino-Kadazan office nerd during the day and leisure blogger by night. She enjoys writting about everything under the sun and is currently living in Singapore with her family (including teddygirl the corgi).

2 comments:

Abet said...

Merry Christmas Gale. i like that U always live your life to its fullest. Happy New Year too.

Stupidgale said...

Happy new year!