Seeing light in the darkness

I did a recent scan on my progress and although the report was not a bad one, I can't help but feeling depressed over the results and also what my doctor have said to me. As a result, I'll just start crying for the smallest reasons, and this happened for several days.

Many a times, we did not realized that we are a passerby in life until something dramatic hit us, stupidcancer. We take things for granted and spend time on unnecessary and unimportant things, only to find that we have missed out the best thing in life, which is - time.

Yes, so obviously my doctor have touch on the topic of time that made me upset. But more so the reason I felt upset was because I didn't know how and where to start to spend my time more meaningfully, and also because, it just seems like no one else understands the importance of this "time" thing other than me. I felt lonely and scared... My doctor had asked me to do everything that I would liked and can possibly do within the next 5 years. So after sinking-into her message after a couple of days, I started to list out a list as below:

1. Laugh at the smallest things
2. Sing out loud so my neighbors can hear me and probably lodge a complaint
3. Backpack to a country that I have never been to
4. Learn to dance salsa
5. JLPT N3
6. Do a 5/7km charity run, half-marathon, full-marathon
7......


OH??!!!! WAIT A MOMENT!!!! AM I GOING NUTS?

As I revisited this list and draft blog (which I have drafted a week ago), I felt foolish! Why am I even thinking of listing my own dead-list anyway? And why am being so self-centred? Surely God is planning something greater for me/us - to get cure and fulfil His purpose, right??!! Shouldn't I have more faith in Him? Silly me!

And so just like that, I don't feel like a defeated warrior anymore. Thank you God for knocking senses into my head and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do it more often so I don't think of nonsense.I don't want to leave this world not knowing You and why You have put me here! Amen!

Stupidgale

Stupidgale is a Sino-Kadazan office nerd during the day and leisure blogger by night. She enjoys writting about everything under the sun and is currently living in Singapore with her family (including teddygirl the corgi).

2 comments:

Abet said...

U a... Don't forget to drag me along for all these plans a... I also want to backpack to another foreign country.

Stupidgale said...

Okey! I've shortlisted a few for the honeymoon (Switzerland, New Zealand and Hokkaido). Since only one will be chosen for honeymoon, the others will be girlfriends only backpacking trip... Hehe, or maybe with one trip to include partner/spouse...