New Plans?

It's been exactly 5 months since I left Singapore and my old life but, ironically nothing has changed much... I'm still peeling of the emotional and material burden, layer by layer, just like peeling an onion, sometimes making me tears unwillingly.

I’ve lose weight and I’m facing a wardrobe dilemma in which all my pants are hanging off my ass. Job is going on smoothly other than the fact that I don’t get (or tried to get) along with the angmo’s in my office (because I’ve become unfriendly – always preoccupied in my head).

I’ve settled my study loan, that’s one thing of my plate; but, I have yet to sell the house and it’s giving me (or rather Abet) so many problems – but, I can’t really do anything other than to hope for it to be sold quickly.

My parents that I’m living with now are good to me in a way other than the fact that they are not really sympathetic of me in my relationship – say I’m moving on too fast and that I am not ready for a relationship. It disappoints me in a way because I was hoping for their support. I guess their concern is that I should at least take a break first then move on, so that I am really done and over with the old relationship and that there won’t exist any overlapping feelings – which I totally agree. But the thing is they do not know that JB and I are unusual, that it’s in a circumstance of once in a blue moon that we had met and once we have missed this meeting window, there’ll be no us.

More than once in our long distance relationship that I’ve demanded a break up from JB because it's so hard for me to invest into us since I’m still haunted by the guilt that is stabbing every inch of my heart. But every time JB will convince me, remind me that if this is to happen long after my break up I’ll definitely be more enthusiastic about the whole situation... I cannot help but agree with JB because when I made the decision to be with JB that was the exact feeling that I got, that it’s a waste if there is no us and that I was prepared to try and gamble with my then already bruised heart.

And so to look forward, I am now making plans to move out from my parents and tough it up with JB – not immediately, but it’s gonna happen. Question is when?


Stupidgale is a Sino-Kadazan office nerd during the day and leisure blogger by night. She enjoys writting about everything under the sun and is currently living in Singapore with her family (including teddygirl the corgi).

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